Shouldn’t the doors be closed by now?
Was there an announcement? Maybe send a message saying we’re going to be late, the metro’s fucked again? But maybe we won’t be late and if we say we’re going to be late, then they’ll leave later and they’ll be late? What would it matter? It’s dinner. It can start a little late if it has to. Is that selfish to think? Inconsiderate? Maybe just let them know that things are sort of uncertain right now. The doors should definitely be closed soon or there should be announcement. But what good would the announcement do? Some statement about a “ralentissement de service” for very vague reasons. It’s clear the service is slowed. But why? Why is it slowed? Why is it always seemingly slowed? Can they even say why? Should they? Like, would we want the exact reasons? The details? Slowed because someone has collapsed and needs medical attention? Would that be helpful to know? What if they gave even more details? Like, a man named George has fallen over, no one knows what’s wrong with him, we have to wait for the EMTs to show up and maybe they’ll know, then they’ll help him or take him somewhere where he can be helped or if he can’t be helped then they’ll take him somewhere where he is no longer an encumbrance to the steady movement of the metro. Do we want all that? No, but maybe a best case scenario announcement would be nice. Like, George fell over, that’s why you’ve all been waiting, but he’s up now, he had low blood sugar, we got him an apple juice, he’ll be just fine, he’s really grateful folks didn’t just leave him there on the ground, but also sorry for the delay, he’s been trying to take better care of himself, he appreciates the concern, he’s really trying, but it’s hard, y’know? That might be nice. But then the absence of a nice announcement would be even more troubling. Like, you’d probably have to assume terrible, terrible things whenever they didn’t tell you things turned out OK. But still maybe a couple extra details, something less formulaic, something we hadn’t memorized decades ago and could now barely really hear. More specific announcements would at least give us something to think about while waiting. But do we really want to think about what might be happening? Like, worrying about possibilities? Fussing over probabilities?
What if there’s a problem more diffuse than a single person in need? What if it’s like an emergency affecting all of us here. They definitely wouldn’t tell us. Wouldn’t want to cause a panic. Never yell “Fire” in a crowded theatre. Probably a good practice. People get scary when scared. But then don’t we all end up with trust issues, like, just assume that we’re forever being lied to? They tell us what it would be beneficial for us to know. Or beneficial for them? Honesty is probably not the best policy here. What, though, is the policy? Someone much have that job. Deciding on these announcements and stuff. Like, they go through all the possibilities of what could affect or interrupt the metro and then write up language that would inform or reassure folks just enough? What must that be like? They’ve surely written all sorts of things that we’ll probably never hear. Or will hopefully never hear. Like, what’s the announcement for catastrophic flooding? That has to exist. Or maybe they wouldn’t even bother to make one? Maybe the employee manual for whoever controls the announcements has instructions for what message to play and when to play it. There are probably a bunch of provisos for when it isn’t even worth playing a message at all. But is there even a person responsible for all that? That seems like a terrible job. It’s probably automated. But then they still have to, like, code it or whatever. Tell it when to say what. Imagine being informed of your ultimate situation by the disembodied metro announcement voice cued up by an automated system. Wonder if there’s any truly extreme occurrence that includes some kind of comfort, some extension of sympathy to the people listening rather than just a pro forma thanks for our patience and understanding. The flames will mount ever higher. We apologize for this interruption. We thank you for your patience and understanding. Jeez. Maybe for apocalyptic things, like a nuclear strike, they include prayers or secular comforts or appeals for mercy or vows of revenge. Probably not. Why does it seem so unlikely that the public transit authority would script and record announcements like this? What does it seem like the possibilities afforded by the world are so limited? So almost dead-ended? Like, that couldn’t happen. The nuclear strike? Sure! Public transit acknowledging it? Nah. Why not? Couldn’t they straight-up announce anything? Use the system to announce bat mitzvahs? Or fun facts about balloons? That’d be incredibly annoying, but couldn’t they? What a world it could be. Awful? Absolutely. But differently awful. Less predictable. Why is it all very, very predictable? Even this delay. Didn’t see it coming, but completely unsurprised that it’s happening. No announcement, though. That’s new. But maybe we just missed it, maybe we weren’t paying attention? Too self-absorbed. That’s not new. That’s very predictable, too.
Wonder how big the committee is that decides on these announcements, how many drafts or rewrites are required to get the language just right. It’s probably thankless, that job. Like all these jobs. Never even see the person driving the train. Is driving the right verb? What do they do? There can’t be a wheel. Is there a wheel? They’re on tracks, though. Not many options there. Forward and backwards. Do they have pedals? It’s probably a lever or a couple levers. Why do we think that? Is it bad that we are very stupid about how the metro works when we’ve been on it so often? Why is Steamboat Willie the only thing that comes to mind when thinking of what a train conductor is up to? Did people whistle while they worked before Disney insisted on it multiple times? And why are trains and orchestras the only the things that require conductors? Do they make jokes - the conductors - about semiconductors? Are those different than microchips? There is so much stuff to know and we know none of it. We are holding a bunch of microchips or whatever and we don’t know anything about them. Does that matter? Don’t know anything about how shoes are made either and shoes are probably easier to learn about than microchips. Is that offensive to the makers of shoes? Is it even true? Shoes can be art. Semiconductors, too? Can they be art? They’re soooo small, though. Why is it almost certain that despite having asked these questions that we will make no efforts to learn the answers. When did we get OK with not knowing things? What would knowing about conductors, semiconductors, and shoe makers get us, though? Probably nothing.
It is incredible that the doors are still open and there has been no announcement. Maybe that’s a very bad sign. Like, the committee whose job it is to decide on the necessary announcement didn’t foresee whatever is currently happening, so they’ve got nothing to share with us. It’s so unforeseen that we just have to sit until it reveals itself unannounced. Maybe they’re having a discussion now over walkie-talkies about which of the pre-recorded announcements resembles our situation closest. Should they use the one about an obstruction on the tracks even though the problem is that a bunch of mountain cats have gotten loose in here. Or the aliens have finally shown up and they aren’t doing nice things at all. Maybe the aliens’ve landed and played their own pre-recorded announcement counting down the future destruction of our species. Bet someone has already made memes featuring that “Final Countdown” song. Was that band just called Europe? Was that song part of a concept album or something? A rock opera? About the end of the world? Seems weird to just make a song about a final countdown out of nowhere. Maybe it was a Cold War thing? Wait, don’t they sing about going to Venus? Was that a metaphor? What’s the Bowie song about earth having five years left? Like the earth is dying and we’ve got five years… Is it just called “Five Years”? Was that a Cold War thing? There are so many end of the world songs. There’s always a lead-up, though. People in these songs always seem to know with certainty how long they’ve got left and they’ve always got a meaningful amount of time. It’s never, like, the world is going to end in roughly 5-10 minutes. That’s a good question, though. Or an interesting one? Is it interesting? What would you do if these were your last 5-10 minutes? Can’t “read Proust” now, can you? Can’t do much. Listen to a song or two? Would that be the move? Call someone? Message them? Ha! Definitely text. That’s maybe a bad sign? Wow. Calling seems like an imposition, though. Like, what if they were hoping to hear from someone else? Then we, like, force them to listen to us for those last minutes? And if they said - oh, hang on, sorry, I gotta let you go, someone else is calling? Maybe, by habit, they’ve even say they’d call us right back? That’d be funny. But also worse than not calling at all. Would totally have to screen. Like, get very judgy about who to talk to. Deliberate over who gets our last moments. Oh, you want to talk during these five minutes? No thank you. Leave a voice mail. No. Or maybe the opposite? Like, feel pity for whomever? What if it was a totally unexpected person? Like, someone totally out of the blue? Someone we put out of mind or refuse to remember. What if they called just then as the world was ending. Learning that we’ve been secretly important to that somebody in those last minutes? That’s too much. No. Maybe first turn the phone all the way off, then… Why are we thinking about this? Really need to stop. Maybe just walk? We’ll be very late if we walk, though. Maybe cancel? No. They can’t just keep us waiting without an announcement forever. They could, but they probably won’t. Where is that “probably” coming from? There are no stats for this kind of thing. There might very well be a bunch of wayward mountain cats down here or a final countdown above. No way to estimate how much time it might take to sort all that out. Or the probable chance it wouldn’t be sorted out at all.
No one seems distressed or restless. Maybe there was an announcement? Maybe this is scheduled? Maybe they know something we don’t. They definitely know things we don’t, but like about the metro. We could ask? No. Definitely not. Maybe they’re just as anxious and restless, but it shows up different? Why would their anxiety and restlessness manifest just like ours? And us? How do we look? Do we seem restless? Are we even restless or just worried about being late? Is there a difference? Is this a possible learning experience? Why are we like this? And always? Like, we could just not? Right? Just wait. If other people start leaving, then maybe leave with them. Don’t want to be the only person here. What did people do with waits like this before phones? Did they complain to each other to pass the time? That’d be so much worse than anything. It might be cool though to hear people talk about themselves by way of complaint. That feels like the opening of a Hitchcock movie. Like, some blonde lady in a forest green skirt suit turning to a man in a brown blazer with a hat of course saying something like “Of all the days. It had to be today. [sigh] We’ve got a very important appointment, you know. At the bank. See, our husband has this opportunity from a business acquaintance. Really an acquaintance of an acquaintance. He’s a very important man. Not our husband, no. No, if only. No. This acquaintance of an acquaintance. He’s very, what would you call it, very driven.” The man in a brown blazer with a hat of course would have to listen to this. Would want to. So much intrigue. What’s going to happen next? What’s this man driven to do? How is this woman involved? Where did she get her forest green skirt suit? What’s the likelihood that misfortune will follow? Disaster? People don’t speak in staccato fragments anymore. Very ‘50s. Speaking like that. So pointed. Focused. We should try that rather than just rambling in circles until someone finally interrupts. Get rid of filler words. But what would we say? Expository dialogue isn’t really a feature of the real world. We could still do it. Give people all sorts of unnecessary context about what we’re up to. In little fragments. Punctuated just so. Not sure how long anyone would put up with that. But who’s putting up with anything? We’d totally listen if someone completely changed how they speak. How cool. Folks talk about changing their hair or whatever, but never how they talk. Not like a fake accent, but the rhythm of their speech. How you sound must be as meaningful as how you look? Never considered that our voice, our way of talking is changeable. Seems very much like it’s here to stay. But we could change it. Couldn’t we? Actors do. Maybe sounding fancy or from the ‘50s would be fun. It’s our voice. Wonder how all these strangers sound. Do they sound the way they want to? They all probably sound like themselves. We don’t know. We won’t or can’t know. Won’t or can’t? Both? Neither?
All these people look so much like themselves. So deliberate. Can’t imagine them dressed or behaving otherwise. Their nails are perfect. They are exactly the kind of nails that person would have. It’s hard to image they were just an accident or whim. They look perfect, completely right even or especially with that slight chip. And that hat on that person. The hat is excellent. Looks like they chose it to contrast against literally everything else they’re wearing, like they wanted a fun hat to accompany the unfun of business casual. Maybe it was a gift, though. Could be a very special gift. Why not assume that at least one item of everyone’s outfit was given to them by someone? As a surprise gift! Is that weird? Seems unlikely. But we’ll probably never see these people again and will almost definitely never learn whether their outfits included special gifts. Why can’t we just suppose that’s the case? It’s nice to imagine everyone is gifted perfectly suited things to wear. So what if it’s improbable? And what anyways does it mean to talk about the probabilities of something so silly, so rare? Sociologists aren’t out here figuring out how many gift clothes folks are wearing. Are they? Maybe they are. Research is probably behind a paywall, though. And if we had the stats? 41% of hats are gifts. How would we sort out which 41% of these 100% strangers had the gift hats? What’s the likelihood we would get that guess right?
What did Frank Ramsey say about probability? There is no such thing as objective chance. That, really, all we’re up to with probabilities and statistics and everything else is sorting out the degree to which we can reasonably believe that something might be the case. So probability is kind of personal? Or at least a facet of our psychology rather than a fact or feature of the world? Like, we sort through the odds of something happening within a certain system we create out of our own limited experiences or knowledge and then assent to one option that we can reasonably believe in? Is that it? It’s just a way of wanting to believe within reason? But aren’t we all, like, very bad at reasoning? Especially reasoning within complex, informal systems like this? The doors will probably close soon and the metro will go on its way. Does that just seem likely because we want it to be likely? And all the things that seem unlikely? Is that just another way of saying unwanted? And what about laying out the possibilities? Not the ones we believe or disbelieve, but just the possible things that might or at least could be? Where does belief enter in there? Do we see possibilities because we want to? Because we have to? And are these possibilities just ours? Or are they somehow out there in the world waiting to become something more than possibilities? Like in Sliding Doors? Did that movie end in an elevator? Where Gwyneth Paltrow, again, almost gets shut out by sliding doors? Is that movie actually good? Why is she on trial right now? Did she kill someone? That doesn’t seem entirely unlikely. Maybe she’ll go to jail? What are the chances? Her court outfits are probably all gifts, but not the fun kind like that person’s hat might be. It’s really very nice. That hat. We could let them know. That we like it. Or that it looks good? Or ask where they got it? Whether it was a special gift? No. Impossible. It’s probably not a gift or even special at all. But maybe
But maybe
Purrrfect closing.
Phew. That was a whirlwind; are you still in the 🚇 metro?